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dramatic and frightning question
huh? what? an alien!
From the moment that I began dating her, there was something about my partner that I just couldn’t figure out...
Unusual and bizarre events seemed to occur whenever I was with her. At first I thought I was losing my mind, then, after watching a little TV, it finally dawned on me! I was dating an alien!

As a public service, I’ve made this list of telltale signs so you too can discover the truth. What you decide to do after you discover the truth is your business.... just remember, it is probable that your Alien Mate does not wish to harm you, just study you. Perhaps you should be flattered that she or he found you interesting enough to study!

Signs that your Mate is Alien:

AttentionYou constantly catch your mate staring off into the distance as if in a trance, especially while you are talking to him/her. It is most likely that your mate is communicating with the Mother Ship.

Spacebrothers and Spacesisters...Your mate seems to catch on a little too quickly on how to program the VCR or newest phone model, or computer program, or operate the cappuccino machine. It is probable that your mate is used to an even more advanced technology... technology of Alien Origin.

We aliensAfter watching the news, your mate disappears “to the washroom”. Your mate is probably talking to its alien co-workers about your country’s state of affairs.

are contactingOn planning a vacation your mate insists on visiting strange places such as; NASA, the White House, the Kodak plant, the Motorola factory, and The Computer Museum, and of course, Roswell.

you directly“Collecting” is a major hobby of your mate. Aliens are rather interesting this way, when they get it into their heads to collect something, there’s no stopping them! Everything from black velvet paintings to rocks is of value to them.

via this web site.Your mate constantly complains about being chilled, especially in the winter, or being too hot, especially in the summer. They may also complain about being hungry, then, a short time later, usually after a meal, complain about being full.

Please Your mate seems to command local weather patterns. If you’ve heard your mate say, “I wish it would stop raining” and indeed it does stop raining in the next hour, your mate/alien could have affected the weather with its wishes.

continue to gatherWhen asked about its childhood, or its high school friends, your mate becomes very vague or wishes not to discuss it. If your mate is an alien, then it most likely did not have a childhood here on earth.

all informationYour mate has no concept of saving money. Alien culture has evolved such that money is obsolete. Your mate is no doubt struggling to deal with an unfamiliar concept.

about Earth and inhabitants.Your mate often does not want to go out with you, or be seen with you in public. Aliens prefer to be alone, gathering data and writing reports, hoping to get their articles in Alien Science Journals.

We will arrive shortly.Your mate has a variety of pets. Aliens are always curious about Earth’s creatures. They will often have a cat, dog, fish, turtles, and sometimes Sea Monkeys®. Aliens will not however, have too many of one kind of pet, for instance 20 cats. They prefer to watch different species interact.

Well there’s my list. I hope it helps you out. If you think you’ve discovered other ways to tell if your mate is an Alien, please e-mail them, and perhaps I can convince the Editors of Mind Numbing Magazine™ to publish them in a second article... that is... if they are not Aliens themselves!


Submissions from other concerned humans...

Submitted by T140V....
“Your mate snores loudly at about the same time every night. This is another form of communication to the mother ship. This form of communication is also utilized by whales who are also aliens”

Editor's Note: I must agree with T140V! Snoring is obviously alien communication, I don't know how I could have failed to mention that one. And it goes without saying about the whales being alien, although I did not realize they use snoring to communicate amongst themselves... fascinating true fact!

Submitted by Stanley...
“I'm pretty sure my wife is an alien since she goes out somewhere the same time every week and won't tell me where she is going. She doesn't come home until very late, then she takes a shower then goes right to bed without talking. This is alien behavior, right?”

Editor's Note:Totally Alien!



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