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A Brief History of After Y2K. |
The year is 1999, and theGeek, preparing for the collapse of civilization, has moved out into the country with a stockpile of food and supplies. Unfortunately, on December 31st, 1999. he suffers a heart attack, one aggravated by the collapse of civilization which occurs at the same time.
After recovery, he begins his post apocalyptic life. He experiences a number of Y2K related failures, culture clashes with his new neighbour, and attempts to develop alternative energy sources. Meanwhile, in Redmond, Bill Gates finds himself locked in his bathroom after a Y2K bug renders his neat Star Trek doors inoperable. In an attempt to gain computing power once again, he builds a Difference Engine, however during it's debut, disaster strikes. He is devastated, and falls into a catatonic state. His neighbour, seeing that something had to be done to snap him out of his geek depression, enlists the help of a Dude to take the Geek upriver to Kurt's, the geek compound where a brilliant scientist has established an oasis of technology and a Center for Recovering Geeks. There, he meets many others in the same state, all of whom have found their way to Kurt's looking for some kind of geek redemption. He enrolls in the program for Recovering Geeks. One night he is lucky enough to see recovering geek George Lucas's puppet-show presentation of "Star Wars, Episode II, Anakin Does the Queen." Meanwhile, a force is rising among the scattered tribe Lords of post apocalyptic society. It is none other than Martha Stewart, who's craft and survival skills (as well as her lovely bathrooms) have made left her in a position of power. Despite all her successes, Martha is driven by one desire, the need to be accepted as a geek, and upon hearing of the Geek Compound, moves her mighty army into position to demand such from the ragtag collection of geeky souls. She meets with unexpected resistance! A stalemate ensues, and attempts are made to negotiate a truce. However, Martha's obsessive quest is now bordering on madness, and she rejects the geek's offer. Leading her forces in battle against the TTBs, and packing a unique arsenal of Stewartesque weapons, she defeats the geeks, and begins to reprogram them into a craft-making slave labour force! The geeks hopes are illuminated when the legendary Super Tux, comes to their aid, challenging Martha to a ThunderGeek DeathMatch. Alas, Martha triumphs yet again, and Super Tux is banished to the Outlands. But there is another. Where the mighty have failed, the humble Geek triumphs! Martha, driven into full madness, flees into the Outland, her army handily defeated by revitalized geeks. News of an Expo Post Expo But there are dangers, a risk of being stranded in the past, and the high likelihood of being killed by the Chrono-tidal wave that such a time line change would generate. After a vote, the TTBs decide to attempt to change history! Little do they realize that Arthur C. Clarke has been observing them from his Sri Lankan laboratory. Sir Arthur has his own agenda. Obsessed with teaching the world when the Real Millennium is, he has a plan... to use a network of orbiting satellites to stop the world in it's tracks! Utilizing advanced thermodynamic theory, his satellites will transmit quantum beams: all machines will be frozen until the entire world agrees that 2001 is the Real Millennium! Arthur, knowing that messing with the time-stream is just too risky, decides to keep an eye on the TTBs. He eventually dismisses their plan as impossible without an enormous supply of power. Unknown to Arthur, the TTBs have been given such a power source. The TTBs fire up their Time Machine. Realizing he must act immediately, Arthur powers up his network of satellites. The Creation of an Alternate Universe? Back in the year 2001, Sir Arthur is about to claim victory, when he suddenly realizes something is very wrong. According to astronomical measurements, it is now January 1st, 2000! He theorizes that when the TTBs released their nano-virus, the resulting chrono-tidal shock wave rippled throughout the timestream, and reacted with Arthur's Real Millennium quantum beams. The result, the creation of an alternate universe! Time is synchronized in both universes (it's the year 2000 in both), yet in the After Y2K universe, the apocalyptic events of the entire year 2000 still happened! In our universe, the TTBs nano-virus quickly spread throughout the world's technology, inoculating all transistors and chips. We were spared the destruction of civilization. But in saving the world that we live in from the Y2K bug, the TTBs are trapped in the alternate post apocalyptic universe. One that would have been our world if not for their courage. Of course we now know, thanks to Steven Hawking, that Arthur C. Clarke was mistaken. The Universe wasn't actually duplicated. The second universe (our own) was always present, it's just that Sir Arthur only became aware of it on January 1st, 2000. The Geek, the TTBs, Dude, Relic.... everyone in After Y2K is just a part of a cartoon universe created by Nitrozac! There's so much more to write about, and so little time. For instance... Tubes Rock! |